Upon hanging out with the specter of death...

So, one of the things I totally forgot happens at prisons. Executions. I started my Thursday with a sign on the entrance doors that read:

"There will be no visitations Friday, November 4, 2005 as there will be an execution at 6:00 p.m. on this day."

Can I tell you that this knowledge will mess you up for a few days? I don't have a lot of experience with death (except that one time, mentioned earlier, but I wasn't really paying attention so I'm not going to count it.) The only person who died that I was relatively close to I only met once. My paternal grandmother and from what I understand, she is in a better place now.

There have have been a few times in the last year where death has gotten uncomfortably close to my life and in fairly gruesome ways. It seems like I can feel it in the air sometimes. A while ago, a man who was fleeing from the police in Crystal Lake was shot because he was ramming his car into the cop cars. This happened near where Catie and I lived, down the street actually. I woke up to the news on the radio- it had happened only a few hours before my alarm went off. When I left that morning, I felt like I could sense the death in the air.

Then I moved here and about a month into school, our next door neighbor died. The family was moving and his wife and child had gone ahead to supervise the building of the new house while he stayed behind to fix up the old one for selling. He had mental health problems and a counselor he was supposed to call daily. I guess she hadn't heard from him in a few days and called the wife who called the neighbors who went next door to check on him. My roommate and his girlfriend went over as well. They came and got me when the ambulance came. He had just been put on new medication and I guess one of the rare side effects was heart failure. A few days he was in that house next to us with 2 dogs. I left before the coroner brought him out. My roommate volunteered us to take care of the dogs until arrangements for them could be made. The paramedics had to break down the door to get in. After that, we spent about a week being all weirded out and twitchy. Neither my roommate nor I slept very well at all the next few days and hanging out with Dead Guy Dogs was sort of really weird even though they were the sweetest smallest dogs ever and I got really attached but the last thing I need right now is a dog.

And now this. The execution. I can't believe something like this slipped my mind as something I would have to face. It happened Friday night at 6 p.m. At the institution next door to us. The man had been in prison for 9 years for killing 4 people at the factory (I think) he was fired from. He injured 3 others as well.

There were camera crews all over the entry to SCDC Friday afternoon and the place was crawling with cops and corrections officers. You couldn't get into the place without a badge on Friday. I don't have one since I'm just an intern. Our warden had to call down to the gate to let them know I was coming.

And it's not like I knew the inmate, he wasn't one of mine or even at my institution but I can't imagine knowing you're going to die in 10 hours. Sharing space with knowledge was overwhelming. And what do you do with that? I don't even know. Maybe everyone else is used to this there but I felt so sensitive to it...

In spite of this, I had really good days Thursday and Friday at the prison. My group is going well and my individual counseling with my caseload is skipping along. I can't help wondering if I'm getting snowed but I don't think so. It's a strange thing when someone tells you she believes God put you in her life for a reason or tell you that she owes her current success and happiness to you and God. And it's not like I did anything but listen. Just listened. That's all. I tell them it's not me who is responsible for the change-- but them. They are the ones who were open to the possiblity, who made the choice to do differently.

I think they are as overwhelmed by that concept as I am by their thanks.

---

Make FREE PC-to-PC calls with MSN Messenger. Get it now!